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92 Funny Birthday Quotes That Will Make You Giggle

Birthdays… Ah! That one special day in a year in every person’s life. That single day that signifies and reminds us that we are yet another year older. Whoever it is that’s celebrating their birthday, you should give them a heartfelt greeting.

However, birthdays are celebrated once in a year, so why just give an ordinary heart-warming greeting when you can also give them a good laugh to start their most important day of the year? Send them a funny or hilarious birthday message and they will surely not forget that very moment.

92 Funny Birthday Quotes

1. “’Happy Birthday’ is normally what people tell you every year, but it’s more like ‘Congrats! You’re officially one year closer to being dead! Good for you!’” Unknown

2. “A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun.  Enjoy the trip.” Unknown

3. “A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.” – Robert Frost

4. “A man is getting old when he walks around a puddle instead of through it.” – R. C. Ferguson

5. “About the only thing that comes to us without effort is old age.” – Gloria Pitzer

6. “Age is a number and yours is unlisted.” Unknown

7. “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” Mark Twain

8. “Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese.” – Luis Bunuel

9. “Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” – Daniel Francois Esprit Auber

10. “Another 365 days since you fell out of a vagina.” Unknown

11. “Another birthday? Don’t let it get you down. After all, you’re still winning our race to the grave, old man.” Unknown

12. “As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” – Sir Norman Wisdom

13. “Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.” Unknown

14. “Birthdays: Keep doing them every year and one day you’ll wake very old.” Unknown

15. “Celebrating your birthday is like being happy that you are closer to your grave.” Unknown

16. “Cheers on your birthday. One step closer to adult underpants.” Unknown

17. “Do you know why old men wear black socks with sandals? You’re one year closer to finding out. Happy Birthday.” Unknown

18. “Do you remember all the crazy, fun moments we had when we were kids? Of course, you don’t, you antique! Happy birthday!” Unknown

19. “Don’t forget to wear your birthday suit…but check it for wrinkles first!” Unknown

20. “Don’t stress about your eyesight failing as you get older. It’s nature’s way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror.” Unknown

21. “First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down.” – Leo Rosenberg

22. “For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.” – John Glenn

23. “For your birthday, I wanted to get you something to remind you of your youth, but they were sold out of cave art and dinosaur bones.” Unknown

24. “Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about the present, I didn’t get you one!” Unknown

25. “Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you have not committed.” – Anthony Powell

26. “I believe in loyalty. When a woman reaches an age she likes, she should stick with it.” – Eva Gabor

27. “I can’t believe you’re almost 18. You’ll be able to go to jail!” Unknown

28. “I didn’t forget your birthday; I just forgot today’s date!” Unknown

29. “I guess I don’t mind so much being old, as I mind being fat and old.” Peter Gabriel

30. “I hate birthdays!” Zane Grey

31. “I know age has made your memory a bit foggy, so I’m going to remind you that today is your birthday!” Unknown

32. “I really hope you brushed your teeth this morning! Because with your age, I’m not sure your teeth will survive until next year.” – Unknown

33. “I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing Happy Birthday!” Steven Wright

34. “I still have a full deck; I just shuffle slower now.” Unknown

35. “I urge you not to count the candles on this years’ birthday cake. Not only will it take up the entire time of the party, with the memory you have at your age, you will probably forget where you were and will have to start over a million times! Anyways, happy birthday!” Unknown

36. “I want to congratulate you for being one of the few old people I know that have not turned grumpy yet! That is an achievement worthy of praise! Happy birthday!” Unknown

37. “I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don’t have to respect anybody.” George Burns

38. “I was going to give you a birthday present, but it wouldn’t stop ticking.” Unknown

39. “I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?” Barry Cryer

40. “I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.” – Phyllis Diller

41. “I’m sorry you have to scroll so far down on websites looking for your birth year.” Unknown

42. “If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.” – Ubie Blake

43. “If we could be twice young and twice old we could correct all our mistakes.” – Euripides

44. “If you believe in it, you can be anything! Unless you want to be young again, then I’m afraid you missed that train old pal!” – Unknown

45. “Inside every older person is a younger person – wondering what the hell happened.” – Jennifer Yane

46. “It has been scientifically proven that too many birthdays will kill you.” Unknown

47. “It’s sad to grow old, but nice to ripen.” – Brigitte Bardot

48. “Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed.” – Charles Schultz

49. “Like a lot of other men my age I have been thirty for ten years now, but I’ve decided today’s the day to move up to thirty one! Come back in ten years and I’ll be turning thirty two.” Unknown

50. “Like many women my age, I am 28 years old.” – Mary Schmich

51. “Live as long as you may. The first twenty years are the longest half of your life.” – Robert Southey

52. “Looking fifty is great – if you’re sixty.” – Joan Rivers

53. “Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.” – Ogden Nash

54. “Men are like wine: some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.” – Pope John XXIII

55. “Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.” Bob Hope

56. “My wife hasn’t had a birthday in 4 years. She was born in the year of… Lord- only- knows.” Unknown

57. “Of course you’re not old! You aren’t very young either.” Unknown

58. “Of late I appear to have reached that stage when people look old who are only my age.” – Richard Armour

59. “Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it.” – Golda Meir

60. “Old age is when you reverse your car from your driveway into your neighbor’s swimming pool across the road and believe it was the car’s fault and not yours.” Unknown

61. “Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier

62. “One way to find out if you are old is to fall down in front of people. If they laugh, you’re still young. If they panic and start running, you’re old.” Unknown

63. “People say that the good die young, but if that is true how evil are you if you get older and older!” Unknown

64. “Put candles in a cake it’s a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, and somebody’s drunk in the kitchen.” Jim Gaffigan

65. “So far, this is the oldest I’ve ever been.” Unknown

66. “Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.” Joey Adams

67. “Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.” – Dave Barry

68. “The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.” Joseph Cossman

69. “The secret to staying young is to eat slowly, live honestly, and lie about your age.” Unknown

70. “They are not grey hairs! They are my wisdom highlights! I just happen to be extremely wise!” Unknown

71. “They say that age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body.” Unknown

72. “They say the older you get the more respect you get. So I just want you to know I have all the respect in the world for you!” Unknown

73. “They tell you that you’ll lose your mind when you grow older. What they don’t tell you is that you won’t miss it very much.” – Malcolm Cowley

74. “Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.” – Robert Frost

75. “To me ─ old age is always ten years older than I am.” John Burrough

76. “We know we’re getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it.” Unknown

77. “Well done for being born many years ago.” Unknown

78. “What goes up but never comes down? Your age.” Unknown

79. “When I have a birthday I take the day off. But when my wife has a birthday, she takes a year or two off.” Unknown

80. “When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.” – Mark Twain

81. “Why is a birthday cake the only food you can blow on and spit on and everybody rushes to get a piece?” Bobby Kelton

82. “Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself.” –Tom Wilson

83. “With age comes wisdom. You’re one of the wisest people I know.” Unknown

84. “Women deserve to have more than twelve years between the ages of twenty eight and forty.” – James Thurber

85. “You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead.” John Mendoza

86. “You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, ‘See if you can blow this out’.” – Jerry Seinfeld

87. “You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” Bob Hope

88. “You think you are special JUST because it’s your birthday today…No way you’re special every day!!!” Unknown

89. “You would have loved the gift I didn’t bother getting you.” Unknown

90. “Your birthday reminds me of the old Chinese scholar….. Yung No Mo” Unknown

91. “You’re not 40, you’re eighteen with 22 years of experience!” Unknown

92. “Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.” – Herbert Asquith


Birthdays only come once in a year. Use that as an excuse to give happiness and laughter to your loved ones and friends.

Show them they really matter to you by greeting them with these funny birthday quotes.