Have you ever been in the middle of sex, and you found your mind wandering? You don’t know how to relax during sex, and your head is always buzzing with different thoughts? Like your partner is making that fantastic mouth move on your nipples, but you can’t just bring yourself to enjoy it.
“I didn’t finish that book I was supposed to send to the editor!” or “Did I switch off the car lights?” or “Oh my God! “The landlord needs to repaint the walls!” or “how do I relax during sex?”.
Before you know it, your mind has wandered far without you, taking you away from the beauty and pleasure your body is experiencing.
Being distracted during sex makes you feel disconnected from your body. Even though you are going on with the act, you are not connecting with your partner and your sensations. The result is often disappointing sex play, frustration, and difficulty reaching orgasm. And that has absolutely no positive effect on female sexual empowerment!
But don’t fret! Just because you don’t know how to relax during sex doesn’t mean you can’t learn it. Here are the top tips to make you feel relaxed during sex so you can truly enjoy the experience.
Practicing Breathing Exercises
You often find yourself trying to focus hard during sex, especially when you are in a dominant sex position. When you strain yourself, you automatically tense and forget to breathe. Every ounce of your energy is now focused on the task you’re performing. This is not a great way to relax.
Consciously breathe in and out. Your breathing during sex is key to experiencing pleasure and orgasm. By practicing breathing exercises, you push out distracting thoughts and reconnect with your physical self. In addition, breathing during sex will help you feel the beautiful sensations from your partner more intensely.
Maintain Open Communication
Sex is an amazing and intimate activity. If you don’t know how to relax during sex and you find yourself constantly drifting, it is OK to let your partner know! Tell them you are finding it hard to relax during sex and ask for their help and patience as you try to stay calm.
Maybe you need them to kiss you for some time, or you want them to touch you in a certain way. Let them know. Your inability to relax is not a reflection of their lovemaking skills or the strength of your love for them but just a symptom of being human in this hectic world.
Solo Sex to the Rescue
Masturbation can help you learn how to relax during sex. It makes you aware of your body, and you’ll know the exact stroke and touches that help you get there. Explore your body through mindful masturbation.
The goal is not to reach climax, but it’s fine if you do. The point is to get in touch with your body. So lie down or sit in a comfortable position and start to touch your body. Don’t head straight for your genitals. Touch your breasts, nipples, neck, arm, legs, and stomach. Explore your vulva. Pull back those gorgeous folds, rub, pinch and stroke them. Experiment with different strokes and pleasure. Notice what turns you on. Play around with different sex toys.
Be curious about your happiness! Once you’ve nailed your pleasure zones, you can share them with your partner.
Be in the Moment
Your mind will wander for a while during sex, and that’s fine. All you have to do is try and be in the moment. Stop thinking about the stretch marks on your butt, your jiggling thighs, or the tiny bit of fat around your tummy; none of that is even important, and they won’t make you know how to relax during sex. In fact, your partner might not even care. Besides, you’re freaking gorgeous!!
Stay Within Your Comfort Zone
While it can be exciting to introduce new things during sex, staying in your comfort zone can help you relax during sex if what you’re exploring is entirely new to you. Sex is all about what feels comfortable and pleasurable for you and your partner.
Focus on Other Erogenous Zones Asides Your Genitals
In partnered sex, we are always too focused on our genitals because that’s where the main show happens. However, sex involves all of the parts of your body, and sometimes, you need to pay attention to other erogenous zones to enjoy what is going on downstairs.
Take a Break
Tell your partner if you need to take a few minutes to catch your breath. Many women don’t know how to relax during sex because they don’t want to ruin the mood by taking a break, but the truth is that the mood is already ruined if you are not in tune with your body. A good partner will understand your need to take a break.
Look Beyond Orgasm
I know you want to experience toe-curling orgasms that send you over the edge. That’s fine. We’re all out for the big O. However; it can be difficult for you to relax during sex when your mind is only on the result.
It is easy to get caught up in your head. You are also robbing yourself of all the other incredible physical and emotional sensations that come with sex. Thinking only about orgasm without enjoying the present can make your brain go like, “How do I relax during sex? Yes, I’m almost there. I’m about to cum – oh jeez! Now I’m not! Now it’s never going to happen.”
So focus on the process instead of the result. Enjoy the pleasure of kissing, touching, sucking, caressing – all that sexy stuff. Once you try to enjoy the process, you’ll find that you will know how to relax during sex, and orgasm will come naturally on its own- just as it should.
Ensure You’re Not Under Pressure
Relaxing during sex is easier when your sex play is a no-pressure zone. Pressure can come with unrealistic expectations -especially when your partner expects you to orgasm in a certain way or within a specific time. Some partners feel like it’s their fault you are not reaching climax. They see your O as a win or a reflection of their sexual prowess, but that’s not what sex is about.
Talk to your partner! Both of you should let go of those expectations and enjoy the time together. Take baby steps. The less anxious you feel, the easier it is to be in tune with your body. If you are uncomfortable with being naked in front of your partner, just letting them touch and kiss you is a bold step.
However, if they constantly see your orgasm as a sign of their sexual skills and make it hard for you to relax, you should consider taking sex off the table!
Take Things Slow
There’s nothing bad with a quickie. It’s adventurous, fun, and pretty intense, with clothes flying around; you both can’t wait to get your hands on each other. But how quickly women relax and reach orgasm in movies and porn is misleading. Most women need to relax during sex and warm up to their partners.
So take your time. Don’t rush all the sweet little touches and great sensations that help you reach the pleasure peak.
Now that you know how to relax during sex, you will put it into practice. Follow these tips, and I’m sure you’ll enjoy better sex.