I’m sure that at least once in your life you’ve felt happy and secure in a relationship for so long, then suddenly he or she betrayed your trust for reasons unclear to you.
And the next thing you know, the relationship is over and somehow, you can’t find it in you to trust others again. Broken trust feels like suddenly biting your tongue, it’s unexpected and it hurts like hell.
It’s always so easy to say get up and move on. It’s so easy to say that the person who broke your trust is not worth all the hurt you’re feeling, that there will be someone else. But what if the person who broke your trust isn’t someone you can just “get up and leave”?
What if the person who destroyed that trust was the person you spoke your “for better or for worse” vows with? What if the one who hurt you was your trusted best friend, or it could even be worse; what if that trust was betrayed by a family member?
It’s not like just forgetting about them would resolve the problem, and it’s not like you can just pretend that you’re okay because that is not okay.
Pretending won’t change what happened but YOU can change what happens from this moment onwards, and it starts with the decision you make right now.
There can never be a relationship without trust because trust is a bridge that connects you to that other person. And once that bridge that took years to build collapses, it could take forever to fix.
But are you willing to fix it? Will you take the chance and trust again?
It may take forever and it will be hard and you will have to buckle up and grit your teeth, but choosing to have a positive attitude is going to determine how it will go from here on. It will be hard but it will get better.
But how can you stay positive when the ones you placed your trust in trampled on it and you feel like the sky is falling? Joyce Meyer said, “A positive attitude gives you power over your circumstances instead of your circumstances having power over you.”
Positive Attitudes to Take on When People Hurt You
1. Acknowledge and then ACT
Acknowledge that you were hurt because your trust was broken. Like every journey to start healing, the journey to fixing broken trust starts with recognition. Dismissing the cause will not help you at all. You have to acknowledge the reasons why you were hurt.
Were you hurt because your friend stabbed you in the back? Was it due to infidelity? Write whatever it is down. Take your time and identify your emotions. If you think you had done something or could have done something to avoid the situation, write that as well.
And then accept. Accept the fact that you are hurting. Accept your emotions and accept your situation. Only after accepting the facts, instead of denying them, will you be able to do something about your circumstance. Sometimes, betrayal can result to an irreparable end, it is okay to accept that too.
Allow yourself a moment to be sad and cry, let your emotions out but don’t wallow in self-pity and avoid expressing it in anger. Then look at yourself in the mirror and begin accepting yourself and to yourself that you are not your circumstance.
And after that, even if you feel like crap, pick yourself up, smile and commit. Don’t rush into making decisions fueled by anger, but commit, instead, to doing acts that would help fix the problem in front of you.
So, as long as the problem is fixable and you are both willing to fix the problem, everything will work out fine and trust can be rebuilt.
2. Be More Open
Let’s be realistic, the cold hard truth hurts.
And it might be tempting to just gloss it all over, cover it with a brand-new paint, or just put a Band-Aid on the wound hoping it would patch itself all up, but don’t, because at some point the paint will crack and reveal the cracked foundations, the glass would still be broken even if it’s all taped up. Instead of trying to cover it up, why not just let the truth set you free?
So, instead of hiding your fears behind aggression, or putting up with something that’s hurting you, be more open. It’s scary to open up, especially if you find it hard to trust someone else, but you can start by being honest with yourself. If something is scary, say it. If you made a mistake, admit it. If something hurts, speak up.
Mitch Albom said, “Nothing haunts us like the things we don’t say,” and I agree. Bottling up your emotions until you explode won’t do anyone good, especially not yourself. Keep in mind that when you speak up, it’s not a bad idea to be mindful of the situation. Make the conscious choice to not get carried away in the heat of disagreement.
3. Do Something Productive
“Bouncing back is refusing to listen to that negative chatter in my own head.” – Lisa Nichols
If you weren’t a person who originally had a positive disposition, changing your mindset to be more positive in the face of trying times can be quite the test. Heck, it can even turn into a battle of attrition between your will to change your circumstance and all those negative thoughts that just won’t leave you alone.
So, what to do when no matter what you do, you’re unable to silence those misgivings and self-doubt? Stay away from all the resentment and the bitterness. Finish that artwork you’ve been putting off, clean that cupboard you’ve been meaning to do but never did.
Go on a run and break a sweat, start a new hobby or learn something new, sign up for a seminar, clear your mind and meditate. Do whatever you want but keep moving forward.
Have that “me” time, take it slow and recharge yourself. Laugh more because having a hard time doesn’t mean you should refrain from happiness.
And while you’re doing all of these, try to stay away from social media. By disconnecting from the rest of the world, you can work on reconnecting with your life and all those important little things that you didn’t have time for before.
Never forget that bitterness is a flavor, not an attitude.
4. If You Can’t Find the Sunshine, Be the Sunshine
Let’s get one thing straight, being the sunshine in your currently storm-filled life is not about you having to pretend that you’re coping when you’re not.
The point is not to become someone else’s sunshine when you know yourself that you can’t do that yet. The point is to be your own sunshine and be able to face the new day with hope.
And to do that, you must be willing to forgive. Sometimes, when we get caught up in all the negativities, we start unconsciously becoming harsher to ourselves, so we must take time to also forgive ourselves. Now, it may take quite some time for you to be up to that challenge but keep at it. Then soon enough, you’ll be able to forgive others.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you’re forgetting, it just means you’ve come to terms with yourself and with the one who hurt you. Whether you’re ready to trust the one who hurt your trust or not is up to you, but take comfort in the fact that you’re on your way to trusting others again.
5. If All Else Fails, Have Faith
“Faith is about doing. You are how you act, not just how you believe.” – Mitch Albom, Have a Little Faith
If there ever comes a time when you feel like everything is not working, stop chasing perfection and have faith.
Faith is a deeper form of trust, a belief. It can be faith in a higher power, that there is someone who is looking out for you. It can be having faith in yourself that you can and you will get through this and that you’ll come out a better version of yourself.
Have faith that this is not the end of your world. Have faith that there are still people who love you and are willing to help you. When you consciously express your faith through your actions, you will soon be able to embody what you believe.
Being hurt by someone you trust is one of the hardest things to move past from, but that doesn’t mean you should subject yourself to a vicious cycle of pity and doubt.
Hopefully, these 5 tips on how to keep a positive attitude while going through something akin to a heartbreak will help you take better control of your circumstances.
Have you gone through a betrayal of trust before? How did you keep yourself positive through it all?